Only In China…

When first asked by my dear friend to write about my experiences in China for Indie Schmarm I felt honored, enthusiastic and was raring to go until it struck me, where would I begin? Should I begin writing about my dining experiences? After all it is not uncommon to see dog, yes that furry bundle of joy that so eagerly greets you at the door after your long rigorous day at work, a man’s best friend…all of that, on the restaurant menu. Then again, there is always the charming little Chinese girl dressed to a tee, who smiles at you while gulping down octopus and squid on a stick. By the way, this deserves a side note. Whoever you are and no matter how cool you think your new haircut and second hand boots you bought from Jet Rag are, these Chinese city girls have it on you. You lose, you just do.

Anyway, the question I started with again, where do I start? Would readers rather hear about the woman I just saw riding on the back of a motorcycle while breast-feeding or the mother who kindheartedly held her son’s johnson while peeing in the public square? And so I came to the conclusion that I will write about the shocking moments during my stay in China and it shall be called “Only in China…Moments from the Life of a Small Town California Girl in a Big Chinese City.” I hope you enjoy!

Now, as I had previously stated, I have seen a mom hold her child’s li’l johnson while taking a pee in a public area several times. However, I have found that no matter how shocked I act when telling friends from back home, they never seem to believe me. So, at last justice was served and I took a quick sneaky picture. You just never know what you will see upon a quick stroll through the shopping strips. Some places, aka CHINA, just don’t see sanitation the way we do. I mean, even my woman taxi driver last night belched as least ten times during our 25-minute adventure together. Advice from me to you, do not laugh when your taxi driver belches louder than most men, unless you want to get the look of death. I am still scared…

Moving on, people often wonder what holidays are like. My first holiday experience here was one that really threw Chinese people for a loop, Halloween. Now, since I have dressed up for Halloween every year I was not going to let being in China slow me down. I researched online where I could possibly find a costume and was quite thrilled to stumble upon the Holiday House. However, when I arrived at this Holiday House I found that their costume shop was, well pathetic. Unless I wanted to dress up in a child’s Chewbacca costume, which trust me I thought long and hard about, I was going to have to go small. So I bought some little kid’s butterfly wings and continued my journey. That night we went to a bar in the city that was supposedly having a Halloween party. Dressed up and ready to go, my gang and I arrived at our destination to find that not only were we were the only people dressed up, but that the only thing that will make a group of Chinese people stare more than white people, is a group of white people dressed up as butterflies, ladybugs, and peacocks. Doing our best to ignore the stares, we did what any person at a bar would do and started drinking. We weren’t going to let anything ruin our Halloween. It was there in that beer drinking moment that I realized why the Chinese did not celebrate Halloween; there would always be the Chinese man ready to take it to an X-rated level. I like to think that China still blames the Opium Wars for moments like these.

Now, since Indie Schmarm is known for their intriguing and wonderful music page I had to find at least some thread of music to write on. I could make fun of the crazy things Chinese people do all day, but music is different. This was the trickiest task of all and I had to go all the way to The Great Wall in Simutai, to find music worth writing about. It was there that I found this blind man playing a type of music I had never heard before. I could not understand the words he was singing, but he sang and played with passion. So I found, even in China, despite their dog-eating and cross-dressing tendencies, music still changes lives.

-Sara Ambrose