I’m a busy, busy man. Between golf appointments at the country club, box seats for every local cock fight and charity beer-pong tournaments, I don’t have a lot of time to hunker down and listen to music. I do, however, make it a point to set aside a few passing moments every so often to take a good look at music. Therefore, I now present you with a brief analysis of some choice album covers. In today’s post we shall take a walk through the fertile fields of hard rock…
Led Zeppelin - Mothership
This new greatest hits compilation is supposed to serve the purpose, presumably, of re-defining Plant, Page and co. for a new generation. So, what does this cover tell us that Led Zeppelin is? A quasi-political White Stripes side-project? A Shepard Fairey promotional tool? A goth-psychedelic interpretation of what the White House would look like if latter-day Marilyn Manson won the presidency? I suppose if any band can embody all these things at the same time, its Zeppelin. Right guys?
Coheed And Cambria - No World For Tomorrow
So, according to the font, this is actually not the follow-up to whatever the last Coheed and Cambria record was, but a follow-up to the popular computer game Myst! About time guys! So here’s the plot of the game: A thirteen-year-old girl’s pastel sketch of a Calvin Klein billboard hunk flies through outer space, Superman-style (because being a beefy man-treat is totally a superpower in and of itself), and finds some kind of ceiling at the top. He bursts through the ceiling only to crash into a Star Wars pre-production storyboard painting by Ralph McQuarrie! There’s some kind of mystic-crop-circle-ancient-rune-thing in the sky over a city and our hero, Brick Lockjaw, stares it down with an unflinching fury, just as if there’s…No World For Tomorrow.
Puddle Of Mudd - Famous
“Fred, why are we doing a photo shoot at a junkyard in Culver City at 7:30 in the morning?”
“Dog, just trust me. Shit is gonna look pimp. And besides, we need to get an early start ’cause we got lots of pictures ‘n’ shit to take today.”
“What!? I thought we got to go home after this!”
“Naw dog. We got a shoot at the Standard on the Sunset Strip at noon. I booked the Hawaiian Tropic girls! You’re all gonna be in bath robes with cigars ‘n’ shit and they’re gonna be rubbing lotion on your chests by the pool ‘n’ shit. It’s gonna be tight! Then there’s this sick alley I found in downtown that we’re gonna shoot at. We set up a quarter pipe and I’m gonna get some skaters to come down and they’re gonna, like, throw some sick tricks and jump over y’all while you’re sitting on the edge of the pipe all like ’shiiiiiiiit.’ I’m gonna try and get some pitbulls and low-rider bicycles too.”
“Oh, man, Fred. Just when I thought my opinion of you couldn’t get any lower, you go and pull something like this…and totally redeem yourself!”
Yours,
Torquil Crossingham
8 comments
Comments feed for this article
November 18th, 2007 at 9:11 pm
Dan Tana
Man this was a good idea. The Myst one is amazing.
November 19th, 2007 at 5:05 pm
Halbert Roquensheift
This was a horrible idea. You guys have no class.
November 19th, 2007 at 7:38 pm
Fezzik Cranley
Brilliant.
November 19th, 2007 at 9:10 pm
Evan
Classiest post you guys have done to date. Great idea.
November 19th, 2007 at 9:11 pm
Ben
No class?
Either someone can’t take a joke or is in to really shitty music.
Probably both.
November 20th, 2007 at 3:42 pm
Stadford Bailey
The Puddle of Mudd one is the best by far. And isn’t “Mudd” just a typo that ended up sticking around due to none of the band members knowing how to spell?
November 21st, 2007 at 4:33 pm
Johnny 5
No….. Class….
Lemme just soak that one in for a second.
….
Sorry. still soaking. I’m so caught up in the backwords D’s on the Puddle Of muDD record it’s hard for me to concentrate.
Okay. I’m done soaking.
Apparently class involves looking at something truly, TRULY horrible. Something that says “I’m going to make this world a worse place, just by being in it!” And thinking to yourself “I can’t make fun of that. It might insult HAL.”
…
I think I’m gonna need to introduce you to a friend of mine Hal. It’s name is truth. And It… Well it has something to say to you.
There’s no easy way to do this, so it’s just gonna come out and say it Hal.
It thinks you might be a bad person. Like that deep inside, doesen’t come out in the wash kind of bad. I’m sorry if that hurts, but that what the truth does.
It hurts Hal.
It hurts Like a bitch.
November 21st, 2007 at 6:01 pm
Dan Tana
Johnny 5 aka Blue Raven…aka ICE cold…aka…YOUCAN own a record… you truly do have class my friend.