Fascinating advice from Susan Pease Gadoua, author of Contemplating Divorce, has many heads reeling. The article, “Three Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Marry For Love,” was published on Psychology Today’s website on November 17 and advocates marrying for money or future children instead of love.
Couples that marry for these concrete things, she argues, experience happier, more stable marriages.
“Their spouse wasn’t expected to be ‘The One.’ They merely needed to be Mr. or Mrs. ‘Good Enough,” she goes on.
The article, which drones on and on like a funeral oration for romantics everywhere, maintains that singles shouldn’t worry about love while finding someone to marry.
She even includes a section that argues the recipe for a strong, healthy relationship should look like this: “1 cup respect, 1 cup shared goals, 3 cups compatibility, 1 tablespoon love, 1 tablespoon attraction (optional!).”
For many people, isn’t respect a central part of love? Likewise to compatibility—it’s easy to argue that compatibility, or similarity, causes many couples to fall in love in the first place. Don’t people admire those who reflect themselves in some way?
If her definition of love is a combination of respect, trust, admiration, compatibility, lust and loyalty, then it’s basically impossible to sustain any kind of marriage with someone you don’t love.
What do you think—to what extent should people consider “love” in their marriages?